need another drink. this is the easiest way
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
