I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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