i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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