Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize