I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
