I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
