I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
