I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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