Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And then my night got REAL pukey
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
