Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
