Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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