Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Shame is for Republicans.
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