I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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