hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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