I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
