I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I FOUND THE LEGS
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
