Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
