i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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