My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
