So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I supernannyed him into submission
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
