I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
