So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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