my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize