This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
