just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
