so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
