we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize