I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
