i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
