White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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