i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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