I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
