I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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