i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize