I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
