mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
