oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
