i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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