i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
