Me too!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
