Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
