Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
