Someone shit on the floor
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
ok first of all what the fuck
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
