Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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