I hate your face
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
