im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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