I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
