the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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