I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She needs sedatives and a leash
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize