When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
