It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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