We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
