No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I would ride that face into the sunset
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
