You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
