Apparently you make a good broom.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
