You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
