She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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