oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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