i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
