You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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