I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
