I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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