Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
