Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
