i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My vagina is very pro this idea
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
