Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
