totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
