The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
