This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
