you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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