Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
