Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
