College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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