My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
