...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
