I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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