My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
