exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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