also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
