Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
this is an emotional support booty call
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
