Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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