Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
