sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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