I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
