Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
