I'm jealous of your bromance
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
