theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
