Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
