i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
