i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Randomize
