Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
