I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
