I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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