am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
