When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
